Lets talk about it, folks. Those feelings you'd rather not deal with.
But numbing Cream? Yes, numbing cream!
If such a thing were available to us for the many emotions we have during the course of the day, we'd Amazon Prime it by the boatload, quick, fast and in a hurry. It's all about not feeling sad, mad or hurt, right? It's easier to turn to food, alcohol, sugar, shopping and mindless television. We may even numb our heart.
When my boyfriend of 11 years passed away, I did just that. I went through the gamut of emotions, pulled the curtains on the outside world and saw nothing but a palette of gray in everything and everyone. My heart was closed and I saw no reason to seek a resolution for the darkness that came over my life. There was no fear. There was no worry. There was nothing. I was numb.
The day I stepped out onto a major thoroughfare at rush hour into a stream of traffic in an effort to end this pain I thought I'd been numb to, was the day it all changed. Since no cars had hit me and I was still very much alive, I took that as a sign to emerge from the gray. I sought the help I needed, and any tools to be able to help myself in times of uncertainty.
A couple years down the line, I began to become more human. I was more social and less angry about it. I traveled a bit. I even started dating. But I hadn't realized right away that I had developed a pattern to seek out emotionally unavailable men. It wasn't until close to a year later that I realized I was choosing them out of that same pain of losing someone I loved, guilt of being the one who lived, unwillingness to let anyone take his place, and horror of opening my heart again.
So, choosing these men made perfect sense. It would never turn into anything serious. It'd be fun and safe. But is that what I ultimately wanted? Absolutely not!
A chance meeting with a family friend kicked me back in gear. She forced me to disavow from numbing behaviors and realize the responsibility I have to myself and others who are very much living. She forced me to entertain what that love looks like that I so badly wanted. That family. That peace.
She said, "People are waiting to love you. Let them. Open your heart." I cried my eyes out at the thought of finally letting him go. I also made the decision then and there to release myself from anguish and open myself up to loving and receiving love. I have now been with my love for two years, in a what I can only describe as the relationship that has surpassed everything I'd ever dreamed of.
With each numbing thought and activity you omit from your life, you will find yourself being more open to receiving what is destined to be yours. Your senses become acute, and discovery of the power within to work through intense emotions will be met with the ultimate courage.
YOU ARE RESILIENT!
YOU ARE OPEN TO LOVE!
YOU ARE FREE!
Dedicated to your greatness,
Strong 4 Pole
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